A Warm Welcome

Words I (and Maybe You) Need to Hear

Dear reader,

The purpose of this letter is to introduce myself, express what I need to hear, and create space for what I love.

Here I am, granting myself permission to savor what brings me to life, nourishes my soul, and fills me with electric energy.

I didn't know that when becoming a mother, I would not only be mothering my son but also tenderly nurturing my inner child. Love and grief intertwine in ways I never anticipated.

Through loving my son fiercely, I've gained a profound understanding of the ways I haven't been loved in the same way.  As memories of my childhood bubble up, the love for writing and its embracing nature becomes even louder. It's as if each word I write holds the power to heal and nurture those parts of me that once longed for the love I now shower upon my son.

As Carl Jung once said, "What did you do as a child that made the hours pass like minutes? Herein lies the key to your earthly pursuits.”

Writing has always been an integral part of my life. From my days growing up in Vares, while other kids played, I preferred going atop the hill behind our home, under an apple tree, and write.

My journal became a sanctuary for my thoughts, feelings, short stories, love tales, poetry, and fables. My imagination soared and writing grounded my visions onto paper, equipping me with the tools to navigate life with connection, intuition, and trust.

After eight transformative years as Merakilabbe, I've decided to let go of that cycle of my life and embrace intentionality, alignment, and grounded creativity. Less algorithms, marketing, burnout, and urgency. Instead, I focus on honoring my own choices and replenishing my internal wells.

I declare myself a writer—not because I’ve published books or have had a professional writing career, but because I love writing and because of its unyielding practice that defines my very being.  

Writing allows me to be utterly honest - to take myself seriously without striving for perfection. Although English is my second language, it has become my inner voice. I write to connect, understand, feel, refine, envision, and to give myself and others permission.

I want to share my stories with you—grounded, connected, and genuine.

Writing is my way of showing my son how vital this craft is to me. I want him to respect the art and the time it takes to do it, and I hope my passion will inspire him to embrace his own heart's calling effortlessly.

This is also what brings me to Substack : to forge a space that is slow and wholly authentic—a sanctuary for introspection and genuine expression. It’s my way of being of service, challenging the oppressive forces of patriarchy, and making myself available for what wants to flow through me in the present.

I write to listen—to hear what I need and make room for my feelings.

I turn to words when I need to make sense of my inner world. I choose the words when I want to tap into the essence of an experience, to distill it into its purest form.

I write to relax, create, and feel a small victory in my day. I choose to sit with the discomfort of not knowing how to begin to write the many stories asking for life. Yet, I still choose this craft, expressing the inexpressible and trusting that words alone can bring the human experience to life. 

Today I write what I (and perhaps you) need to hear in your heart: 

1. This season of your life is teaching you how to choose yourself over and over again.

How to bring back all the tiny shattered pieces of your energy back into your body. How to stay soft and sovereign in your becoming and make your own way again. You've done this before; you've been riding the tidal waves of the unknown. You've arrived on the shore every single time, sometimes discombobulated from the thrill of the ride, other times gently landed on the soft, golden carpet of sand. But you didn't give up, and that’s what mattered. You didn't turn your back on your sweet inner child. This season is your rebirth. It comes in more waves, layers, and veils that need your conscious presence. Amid a resurgence, you often don't realize the transformation until you reflect on it. But this time, it's clear that your deeper awareness won't necessarily make your transformation painless. Instead, it can give you detachment from illusions and a let go of the life that looks right so that you can fully embrace your radiant light. 

2. Stay open to what's true. 

Say uncomfortable things, face your fears, and embrace your grief. There is no other way. Just because you feel the huge pain of the world, it doesn't mean it's all yours to carry and resolve. Just because you have given so much of yourself your whole life, it doesn't mean you need to continue. Despite lacking examples or references on how to heal and establish firm foundations, without the support you yearned for, and without proper guidance or strong roots, you still leaped forward with an open heart. You trusted the universe to hold you every time. 

3. Name your fears. Speak them out loud. Write them down. See their pattern of survival, how they keep you hostage, in your own mind. Every fear inside you only wants your love.

Hold your memories, heartbreak, trauma, lack of meaningful initiatory experiences, guilt, shame, displacement, and confusion, then let them go. Real change is usually ignited by feelings of unease. Your heart will sense the wrong before it uncovers the right, and this is when you need to sit down and write. Ask yourself the difficult questions. Give yourself permission to dream beyond the boundaries of ordinary expectations. Find greatness in the simplicity of everyday moments. Give yourself permission to build an ordinary life you're content with. Permission to be where you are.

4. Your life is not a linear tale of before and after but rather a canvas of peace infused with authenticity and depth. Your life is a masterpiece of contradictions, where beauty and mess coexist. So embrace the AND, for nothing is just this or that, but everything in between.

You are here, you are now, and you are alive. Your life is a mosaic of magical moments: 

When you cradle your child in your arms, feeling the warmth of their little body against yours, experiencing the timeless bond of unconditional love. When you have belly laughs with your soul sisters and feel the uncontainable joy bubbling up. When you let your hands and heart work together in perfect harmony, creating something beautiful that fills you with satisfaction. When you see rainbows alive in the sky, you know you live in the enchantment that is woven into the existence of life.

5. Trust. Trust. Trust. Trust is the guiding force that flows from within, a void filled with possibility. It's a surrender to the flow of fate. Surrender enough, and you will know. Start again. In the end, it is the depth and sincerity of your love that will matter. So love again and start today. Don't delay expressing your affection, apologize when you mess up, and allow yourself to fail. It's okay. You can repair. You have the time to keep re-discovering yourself. You are worthy of your own affection. 

6. This cycle of your life is about community. It's about unfolding the petals of your innermost self in the embrace of others. Maybe right now, it's okay to depend on others, to find your village, to cultivate it from the roots up. You are not meant to do this alone. Maybe it's okay to reveal yourself as you are in the moment and know that you deserve love in all your expressions. Always feeling good and presentable is not a prerequisite for showing up. It's not a prerequisite for a sense of belonging or acceptance. 

You've been through a lot. Now you're here, beginning to gently walk again. This time with intentional focus, nurtured boundaries, and present spirit. You’ve released yourself from ancestral narratives with graceful and gut wrenching honesty, and still, you remain kind, compassionate, and tender. Remind yourself that everything is a process that shapes you as you go. You don't have to have everything figured out before you begin. You're a student of your own creation. 

You create your worlds so you can practice living in them. 

You are molded by life's experiences. You are shaped by the hands of universe into a vessel of compassion. Every choice you make is a sacred act of creation. 

Wrap your arms around yourself. 

You are as much a gift for life as life is a gift for you.

Love,

Vanja

---